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May 3, 2012

I SURRENDER... MY KHUSHI!! (By Observer) (Thanked: 14 times)

Suddenly, she could not even look at him. She asked herself how she could think of running her hands through his wavy hair, lying so playingly on his forehead. And rubbing her cheeks against the day old stubble. At this moment! After all this! She was so out of her mind.

How, when he could even doubt that she had eyes or feelings for anybody but him! Shyaam! She visibly shook at the very thought of even considering him loving her. Physically drained after all that raising hell with a confessing Arnav just that morning, she felt like standing up and shaking her whole body to get rid of his hug and his hands and his eyes rolling all over her. Repugnant to the very roots of her hair, and here was the man she loved, pairing her off with him, because he saw her in an embrace with that... that... inhuman thing!

"Khushi... Khushi," floated in a husky, hesitant voice from somewhere near her... within a few miles of her definitely! It embodied all at once, the doubt of being cast out, belonging, friendship, togetherness, empathy, tenderness and... was it love, or love-making, or was she dreaming like she had so many times, all in vain!! Her eyes filled with tears of hurt and rejection and yet, she did not have the will to move her eyeballs and look up. Her loose hair hung on both sides of her face, as if to shield her from all gazes from the right & the left.

"Khushi, look at me..." said that tentative voice, now getting just a wee bit stronger. And the hands that had taken hers tugged hers a tad impatiently and then she knew where she had been looking. At his hands of course, that had engulfed hers, making them look so puny, in their warm grip, now putting a bit of pressure, now lightly rubbing them, now looking at them, now holding them in such a way that he would kiss them any moment, now the thumbs moving over her palms, setting her on fire. Against her own willing!! This man! Did any of her decisions ever work with him? Uff... she felt sick about herself, how weak she was, how vulnerable towards him and his advances!!

The recliner moved a few inches even closer to the edge of the bed and she, who had been carried to it masterfully and made to perch at the edge, moved a bit into the bed, as if to avoid contact. The handsome face at its tender best thrust forward and down in order to look at the feelings in her eyes, because she would not look up herself. Her racing heart thumped on relentlessly, cutting her already jagged breaths short, it would be a task to resist this tender, concerned, reincarnation of his and suddenly she realized that minutes would now pass as quickly as the hours and hours as quickly as days!!

"Khushi, look at me" and one sure left hand deftly moved out, leaving both of hers in the able custody of his right hand, and shot out to lift her face by her chin, tenderly and astonishingly for Khushi. The unexpected move sent the face up by a couple of notches and then her frail frame resisted any more movement with all her strength. He looked into those eyes now, his face dangerously close to hers, as if one movement and they would be into each other. He softly moved her tresses on one side to pin them behind her ears, but she turned her face away, as if she loathed his touch. He bit his lips, this would be tough. And he sure did not know how to get this right. But no... yes... he had to! He had to get it right this time.

His life depended on it!

"Khushi... yes, I only heard that much and moved out. I now know that you said much more and if I had stood around for a minute or two, could have heard the whole truth. But Khushi, I am not that type. I hope you understand. I cannot stand around and listen to private conversations and feel decent about myself... Khushi, you are listening, right?"

He was too near for comfort, she was afraid that one inch higher and his face would touch hers and she did not have the heart to make it all so easy for this mightily confident man. Agreed, he was not sounding too confident at this moment and was looking desperately for her concurrence and understanding, but she knew his confidence would be back with a bang the moment he got acquiescence from her. Instead, she moved her face higher and fixed her gaze on a non-existent important object miles away.

Arnav was relieved, he at last had her head up and would get her attention. At any cost. He would clear all misunderstandings, eliminate all misgivings and hold his Khushi in his arms, aching from the desire of seizing her and making love to her, madly, all night, all life! He turned back and looked curiously for that important object on which her eyes were stuck and turned back.

"Khusheeeeee...", he turned her face ever so slightly towards his and tried to catch the expression in her impossible eyes, now full of pain and denial. Khushi, he told himself, I won't let you hurt any more, I won't. You are my partner and we will walk it together... the journey of life... hand in hand and absently pressed her hands with his. Today will be the last day... Khushi...

"Ey, Khushi", he throatily said with that innocent questioning look in his eyes. "I know it was a mistake, a big big one, and I know I was unfair to you. It was shameful and I will be ashamed of it all my life. All my life, Khushi, I know if I was you, I would never forgive Arnav. Never".

"But thank God, you are nothing like me! I actually can't thank God enough"!! She looked at him in surprise with traces of those tears still wetting her eyes a bit, not knowing any longer what to think of him any more. "Because you are Khushi and not Arnav, can you forgive me, my love. Can you? You know I am a fool, to have spent so many months staying away from you when I have been tempted every minute of my life to tear those walls down and to put an end to the distances between us..."

"Then? Why didn't you?" A voice, unsure but drawing strength from the anger within hurried forth with some force from in between tremulous lips.

He was grateful for the first words from her in a long while. He left her hands and took her face in both his palms "Khushi... you can be angry with me, as much as you want to because I know I don't deserve any better than that. But please try and understand the stupidity of a frail man such as me. I... I..."

She plucked his hands away from her face with as much rudeness as she could ever muster. "I am asking you. Just answer my question, or else..."

"No, no, Khushi, do anything, but don't go away. I want to answer you, but I am worried that you will be hurt. Allright, allright, because... how could I get close to a woman whose heart belonged to a man other than me..."

The anger on Khushi's face turned to disgust. She had had enough. Her move to go backwards and out of the bed came as a sudden movement to Arnav, who was staring open mouthed as her emotions changed from one to the other, reflected clearly in her beautiful face and he just stared at the way her face looked beautiful in two different ways, in split seconds. He would later recount the moment and understand what gripped him : the fact that she could not manage to look ugly or coarse, never mind how hard she tried. Was there such beauty in the world that surpassed the ravages of life and its crudities??

He started late, but moved swiftly once he realized her movement and caught her by her knees and kept her in her place, her top half reclining on the bed helplessly. He shifted from the recliner to the bed, ever so softly so that he is nearer to her, but not too close. He did not want to repel her any further than he already had. Khushi breathed hard, unable to move and feeling very exposed.

"Khushi, can I ask something? If you give permission??".

Khushi stayed where she was and he took her silence as her agreement.

"Khushi... looking at your earlier outburst...", she turned towards him in fury, her eyes widened and daring him to continue.

"No no! I mean you had every right to. With me so despicable, you had every right to be angry with me. I deserve nothing better. I know, Khushi... that I don't deserve you..."

A small gap of silence and the fading of her expression gave him further courage. "I mean Khushi, the way you reacted earlier when I came clean with it all, I really thought I had lost you. Yeah, I really did. Those tears you saw in my eyes" and some tears slowly welled in his eyes as he remembered that catastrophic moment "were of hatred for myself and my foolishness. I told myself that I had managed to anger and shunt away the one person it is so tough to put off and the thought of living without you for one day or one minute was stifling me..."

Khushi knew he was sincere, she could feel the pain and suffering in his voice and wanted to gather him in her arms and run her hands over his head to reassure him. It was all she could do to stop herself from kissing his tears away. She looked away. He might interpret it as her hatred and anger, but she could not look at him when he was like that... like a child looking for love and acceptance in the eyes of its angry mother. A tear dropped from the corner of her eye, thankfully the one he was not able to see.

"Khushi... I wanted to ask you... why you came back", Khushi stiffened and made a movement to turn away, but Arnav held on. He had learnt his lesson already and he was a quick learner. "I mean, you did not go away. Thank you for that Khushi... but why?"

"So, you want me to go away".

"No.. no.."

"You want to know why I came back. I might have come back just to take my things, don't you think? Don't jump to conclusions".

"Please, Khushi, please..." he now hugged her with his hands around her half bare waist where her saree had slipped away, from where she was, trying to pull her softly towards him, but she resisted.

A few minutes of silence ensued and Khushi was suddenly frightened. It was as she had feared, his tears were wetting the bed and she was angry with herself.

"You want to know? No. I did not come to collect my belongings". He lifted his head in astonishment and relief. "Not yet". The relief kind of ebbed away, but strangely, he did not feel that hopeless any more.

"I came because... and I am not afraid to tell you... I thought I had made mistakes too. Big mistakes".

"Khushi... no..."

"Don't deny it, Arnavji", that was the first time she had taken his name in the whole morning and he was surprised at how intimate that sounded. As if she was holding him close and loving him. Nobody spoke his name so silkily, as if she was caressing...

"If only I had told you everything at the time"!

"It's all right, Khushi... it..."

"No, it's not all right. It's not. I do hate you for suspecting me with such treachery, but it is also true that had I revealed the truth then, we could have avoided all the tragedy that took place". She lifted a hand and stopped an eager Arnav from talking further. "On the day I realized the truth Arnavji, I came here, determined to tell Di. But it looks like Devi Maiyya had other plans. At the moment of my very entry, Anjaliji was distressed because her mangalsutra came loose and her distress scared me away, that she won't be able to take the truth".

May 3, 2012

I SURRENDER... MY KHUSHI!!2 (By Observer) (Thanked: 14 times)

She swallowed remembering the events of the previous day and that day. Arnav heard it and moved closer, because he could not stay an inch away when his Khushi was in such obvious pain. Khushi was anyway too much into the flashback to notice how little the difference was between them now.

"I did not even consider telling you because you never believed anything I said. After all, I was a middle class girl who had her eyes fixed on your wealth..."

"Khushi, not anymore. Don't say it, please don't", Arnav blabbered in a hurry, clapping his hand on her mouth. "I don't think I ever believed that my girl, it was only to score a point off you and to fluster you and keep you away against the desire of my heart. Because... I was so afraid of getting attached to you and surrendering to you. You know Khushi, that I have never surrendered to anyone before, not like this. Not so completely. And that scared me. I invented the accusation just to put a distance between us, because the first time I saw you I knew there was something about you and somewhere deep inside I knew we were connected, the very first time I held you in my arms. It is just that I did not know what to make of it then, the rock that I had built myself up to be".

Arnav was drained with the torrent of words he produced, as if to not allow Khushi to interpose and break the stream of his thought. He realized his grip on her mouth, when he saw her two enormous, astonished eyes staring at him with some strange expression in them. They looked so esoteric, just the way he had seen them in a thousand visions and dreams. So esoteric and so inviting. He told himself, he was an emotionally dry man, for what husband could resist seizing a wife looking so beautiful and resist kissing her to bits!! Arnav moved his hand away, but there was no apology in his eyes or his lips for this little transgression. He locked eyes with his damsel and kept it like that till she shied away, looking elsewhere and swallowing hard.

Khushi thought it best to break the magic of the moment, before it got too irretrievable. "So, I could not bring myself to tell you. Also because just like you tried to put a distance between us, I did not want to discuss anything private about myself with you. I too had to keep away from you", she gave a bitter short laugh. "If only I knew where that would land me"!! Arnav looked on in pain.

"On the marriage day, I felt different about you. As if both of us had realized that we could not run away from each other any longer. As if, there need be no ego between us two!", Arnav listened on in silence, more for the love of hearing her voice and relieving her of her burden, than for clarification. Khushi spoke on, undisturbed.

"I saw written on the mirror, an invitation to meet on the terrace and construed it to be by you. Little did I think then that you would not have written in Hindi, even if you had written it. I ran upstairs to be clasped into that hideous embrace by the demon, who has been stalking for months now and who had made my life a burden and a nightmare!"

"Hush... Khushi, don't go over all that. We both know how all that came about, so hush... Just forget it as a bad dream. Let us put all that behind us and move forward. I promise I will make it up to you after all my torturous antics that I contrived for you. I will take any punishment that you would deem fit for me, Khushi, any punishment but you leaving me. As long as you are with me Khushi, I can take anything, just stay put with this Laad Governor of yours. This rakshas, this shaitan... please Khushi. We have our entire lives in front of ..."

Khushi laughed a bitter short laugh. "Um huh, not our entire lives, but only a month more, Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada..."

"Khushi, please don't alienate me from you. Please don't call me that..."

"Why? You have never tired of calling yourself that. Day after day, hour after hour, throwing it in my face. Why not? Why not, Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada? Why notttttttttttttttt??"

Arnav was a defeated man, not scared to admit defeat anymore. After all, when the enemy was so beautiful, so full of heart, so full of love and meant so much, why worry about being the vanquished? But that would be a thought he would realize later on in life, when he had the time to sit in his rocking chair and reminisce about yesterday.

Now, he was eager and distraught only to drive his point home to a vacillating Khushi, who would once look like she understood him and was in unison with him and once again look like she had no intentions of even making an effort to understand him whatsoever.

"Khushi, I am only your Arnav. Your Arnav, Khushi. All these pretentions to greatness, of being Arnav Singh Raizada was only to unnerve you... no wait... challenge you to take me on, probably because I enjoyed it most when your spirits were up and you were determined to beat me to it. Please Khushi, you already know that. Don't you?? Why then are you ..."

Arnav now saw that tear flowing from one eye to another, to disappear into her hair untraceably, they looked like tears of understanding, resignation, hurt, realization... good grief!! They would drive him crazy, if he cannot kiss them away. They sure would.

"Khushi, Khushi, I can't see your tears", came a voice trembling with sorrow and a trembling hand turned her head towards him and wiped away the tears. "Yeah, the six months contract! It applies, Khushi, it does!! Why are you looking at me so horrified? Should we not finish the initial six months so that we can start afresh this marriage and this life of ours together? Cursed six months of pain and hurt as against sixty years of blissful married life and I promise to keep making it up to you till my last day, for this concentrated prison sentence of six months".

"Promise me, you will stay with me all my life Khushi, I simply cannot live without you. I cannot. Please...."

Khushi was numb. Arnav's voice was travelling to her from afar. Her mind was torn between thoughts of leaving him and going away where he could never reach her. And living with him like he promised, she knew he would keep his word. His loyalty to his Di had shown her that he was capable of loyalty few men were capable of.

"Khushi, I know the sindoor and the mangalsutra mean a lot to you", Arnav was stroking her cheek softly while he whispered these words to her. "Wasn't that the reason I could blackmail you into this unholy matrimony?" he smiled bitterly, detesting himself for the devil that he was.

"It never meant that much to me Khushi, but you have made me respect them, revere them. I look back and I can see that inspite of all my erratic emotions of that moment, it was exhilarating to fill your parting with sindoor, it instantly made you so beautiful and somehow right at that moment, I transformed into a responsible person, a husband responsible for your honour and wellbeing, even though I could not show that to you for a long time. It still feels the same Khushi, that... that you wear the sindoor of my name in your parting everyday. That it shines beautifully In my name on your person, our little Tajmahal of love, right there on your forehead."

"Sorry" he whispered hoarsely, "I know I probably didn't deserve that Tajmahal and was not much of a husband to you my Khushi, but I will be, if you give me a chance. I will prove to you every moment my love and dedication and loyalty. I will make that worth your while, Khushi. Sorry, if I was the only one feeling this way about these symbols of our union. Sorry, I could not make you fe..."

Khushi stretched a hand out to cover his mouth "you know it means everything to me. You know that it will mean everything to me for the rest of my life, whether you acknowledge it or not. I am a woman and there is no other moment in my life than the one in which you filled my forehead with your sindoor. You know that..."

Arnav got off the bed in a jiffy and was gone a minute, which seemed to be ages to Khushi, who could not see him from her position. He was back before she could call out his name in alarm... had she lost him again??

"Khushi, close your eyes and try to feel this" he said and repeated his request when she questioned him about it. With eyes closed, she waited with bated breath, her entire form had started to tingle with the anticipation of what awaited her. Slowly, she could feel him hold her cheek with his left hand. And suddenly, she felt his right hand on her forehead. He then released her face and traced her parting slowly and seductively along her parting. His right hand followed it a moment later, filling her parting with sindoor from her dressing table. Khushi's whole body was on fire and tears rolled down her eyes without her own knowledge.

One single word escaped her lips "Arnavji..."

Arnav tightened his grip on her and pulled her closer and inched closer to her, decimating the very little distance between them. "Khushi, even when I had you around me, I had to control myself so much and had to physically punish myself, stop myself from getting too close to you. But don't you think we have waited too much already..."

His face was only a breath away from her and he slowly lowered his lips to hers, as if afraid and waiting to see if she remonstrates. In the absence of any protest, he touched the corner of her mouth with his lips, slowly and lightly. When he lifted up his face a little to look at her, she was tensed, with her eyes closed, with her lips inviting. He slowly brushed her lips with his and as he felt a little response starting there, he had no more reason to hold back all his passion.

Khushi lay in abandon, in a simple surrender to her husband, a nightingale cooed somewhere, and some music played in some distance. Arnav's mind was all muddled, somebody probably watching television or listening to radio.

His favourite Mukesh was humming in his feeling voice

Kabhie kabhie mere dil mein
Khayaal aata hain
Ke jaise bajti hain
Shehnaayiyaan se rahon mein...

Sometimes it occurs to my heart ... that shahnayis are playing on our path...

Arnav lifted himself away from her and silently looked at her intoxicating abandonment and cursed himself for his resolve for the umpteenth time. She looked like the goddess of love, with all her hair with which he still had to play a life time spread around, lips parted in her desire for love and her body tilted a bit to receive his warmth. She waited for an empty minute and suddenly came to realizing his pulling away, opened her eyes wide as if in suspicion and fear and questioned silently with her eyes.

He tilted his head, lifted a finger and urged her to listen: Click here to watch the video on YouTube

Suhaag raat hain
Ghoonghat utha raha hoon main
Simat rahin hain tu sharmaake
Apni Baahon Mein...
Kabhie... Kabhie...
Mere dil mein
Khayaal aata hain...

It's our wedding night and I am taking the veil off your face, you are shy and blushingly burrowing yourself in my arms... Once In a while in my heart, I have this thought that...

She listened to it, looking at him mesmerized and kept listening to it long after the song was all over.

"Khushi... ", his forehead creased along with his serious expression.

"Umm...", she said listlessly, not yet recovered from the assault on her senses earlier and somewhat disturbed by the break.

"We need to get this right".

"What?? How??"

"We need to do this right this time at least, Khushi".

May 3, 2012

I SURRENDER... MY KHUSHI!!3 (By Observer) (Thanked: 15 times)

"Which Arnavji"? A fully alert Khushi asked with huge brown eyes showing concern and surprise. The eyes that had forgotten to blink last few minutes, blinked a few times all at once.

"Suhaag raat... "

Now that she was aware of herself and her surroundings, Khushi whispered "suhaag raat"?

"Haan. We need a lot of things, Khushi. For starters, we need a Suhaag Raat. What do you say?".

She blushed as the meaning dawned on her. And she moved her head side to side as if to say "you? You are impossible".

"What? You can't wait??" An astonished Arnav threw at her.

"No... Arnavji... I..." stammered a confused Khushi.

"I know" said a willfully misunderstanding Arnav. "I too can't" and while Khushi wanted to clarify her stance, he smiled naughtily with one side of his mouth, tilting his head cockily in his trademark way and Khushi knew he was joking.

"But we will", he said swooping down on a now blushing Khushi, to claim all her attention. As he tightened his grip on his wife lovingly and possessively, Arnav felt the bliss of a soulful union like he had never felt in all his life before.

May 3, 2012


My dear friends and kindred souls,

I know when I am in myeDuniya, that a massive bunch of extremely intelligent, sensible and sensitive people are watching the show and commenting, absolutely beautifully and commendably, round the clock.

Now, being sensitive to other's feelings and emotions is a part of it all and therefore, it is but natural that many of us take the side of Khushi or Arnav as the case may be, thus making this a living-breathing-feeling-debating forum, from which every one of us have taken home some valuable lessons.

I put up this episode-scripting just to put my view forward that both Khushi and Arnav have contributed to the misunderstanding, both are strong and dominating, both have indomitable spirit, both are intelligent, both are responsible and dutiful, both are kind and feeling towards each other and generally towards the world, both are righteous and both complement each other perfectly. So? They both deserve each other, it is a natural pair a match verily made in heaven, by none less than God Almighty, if anything!

So, why punish one and why victimize one only, whichever of the two we envisage as perpetrating or paying as we see fit?? Why should there be a separation between two people so much in love and so aware of each others' thoughts and emotions?

Why can't there be a simple acceptance of errors on either side? Is that not what we would do if we loved somebody like that to distraction??

Therefore this little indulgence. But of course, the contents are a bit disjointed because it has been coming for about ten days now and anything written over that long a time is bound to sound disconnected at places. For someone like me, there is no prospect of a "seamless integration" as we call it in business parlance.

Thank you friends for reading this lengthy bit of writing, you verily made my day. I was hoping to share something which can bring a smile to our faces with respect to our imagination of IPKKND and it's future tracks.

Love you all, good day and night.

May 4, 2012

to bring the worlds together (By Meri) (Thanked: 4 times)


Only you

Become the one that

Senses the very inner in our beings that

Echoes our thoughts, our words, our hearts and our souls that

Reaches to the very depths of our feelings that

Verbalizes the best in all of us and

Endless sea of love that you are

Rain upon us, bring us to thy infinity

I surely hope to be the second one to say it, iyi ki dogdun dostum benim!

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