((OS)) Because I Lover You!!

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Aug 13, 2015

((OS)) Because I Lover You!! (By Taanihalai) (Thanked: 102 times)

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing seems to make sense? Well that is how I feel right now. I feel like I’m facing everything by myself with nothing but tears in my eyes.

I’m at that age where I have had many relationships and many break ups and at the end of every relationship I thought it was the end, this would soon eat me up soon but then after one or two months I was completely fine.

So I got used to the habit that after I lose someone, I’ll be okay in two or three months and this actually worked… it worked perfectly always but not this time.

I know I am at fault and I wouldn’t want to blame anyone for it.

I am at fault that I was so lost into looking for perfection that I forgot that the imperfect things are the ones that actually make me happy.

It’s been an year since I last saw him, and every morning I wake up with the hope that today I would move on, I have gone to a hundred dates, partied hard, and did everything that would help me get over him, but every time I shut my eyes, I saw him, his smiling face, his hands on that guitar and I craved him, constantly, so deeply it was a physical pain.

Have you ever felt so lonely? So empty? So hurt? So unloved? I have been feeling that way since the day I waked away from him, because maybe now I realize, no one else could love me as much as he did.

When I think about us I just end up smiling, everything was so cute, so sweet so unexpected and so unreal.

I never knew I could fall in love with a man just by sharing some looks and a smile… I never knew we dint need words to fall in love, just a simple look was enough until that fine day I met him… or maybe let me say… I saw him…

I was in my room reading some book, it was a really boring Saturday, I was just trying to keep myself busy by doing anything I could when I heard something.

A soft slow music playing… I dint have to behave like oh my God, where is the music playing? Because I lived so close to a garden and usually many people would come there, some would make noise, some would stay silent and some would play music…

It wasn’t the first time I had heard someone play a guitar, being such a huge music lover I exactly knew which instrument sounded like what and I had heard many people play… but there was something about whoever was playing this guitar…

I walked to my window and peeped outside, I man was sited on the bench that was just inches away from my room, his eyes were shut, his fingers were playing the magic and he was just lost.

He was terrifying, strange and beautiful… just the moment I saw him, I felt like this was the end of me.

That man, he just took my breaths away… I couldn’t stop staring at him, how he enjoyed playing the guitar, how he moved his body with the flow of music, how he was so lost into himself.

I stood there, not listening to the music anymore, but just looking at him and smiling to myself.

I remember I dumped my last boyfriend because he dint love music, well that was so stupid but how can you not love music? I was someone who always looked for the perfect relationship, the perfect man who wouldn’t stop complementing me and loving me, who wouldn’t stop loving things I loved and the one who would be just like me… perfect.

After a while he stopped playing the guitar, his phone beeped and I guess he received some text message, he looked at it with a smile then started typing something.. Maybe he was replying…

Did he have a girlfriend? God! I really wish he dint because he was just too perfect.

He put his phone back in his pocket and put the guitar in the bag as he stood up to walk away, I don’t know what made him turn but he turned, and he caught me staring at him and that was so awkward yet so beautiful.

He smiled at me and I completely lost myself, he was a perfect piece of Gem.

I smiled back at him then walked away awkwardly trying to avoid his gaze, just the way his eyes landed on me… it was beautiful

Damn! Everything was so beautiful.

The next day it was the same, I stood by my window watching him and when he was done playing his guitar, he left after smiling at me.

Days passed on and this kept on, we would see each other daily and smile, he would wave me at times and everything just seemed so good so perfect.

He had like become a smiling and waving friend for me, all we did was to smile and wave each other we hadn’t even greeted each other, I dint know what his name was, what he did for living, I knew nothing, only that he seemed to be a good guys and just through the smiles and waves I had started liking him.

One morning as usual after finishing my c****s I walked to the window and waited for him, he wasn’t there which was so unusual of him.

I had always found him there, then why wasn’t he there today? What had happened? Where was he? Why dint he come?

I waited and waited but he never showed up, I felt so low that day, I dint even know why I felt that way, I was maybe so much used to seeing him every day and somewhere I knew I had started liking him even though we never talked, there was something about him that always pulled me closer to him.

I spent the whole day and night worrying about him and hoping that tomorrow morning I would see him but to my disappointment I dint.

I wanted to call him and ask him where he was and how he was and why he disappeared all over a sudden but I dint even have his phone number.

A whole week had passed by and I just couldn’t get him out of my mind, I don’t know if it was just an infatuation or I had actually started falling for him but I just dint want to be without him anymore.

Monday morning, I was just finishind up some housework when I heard the music again.

His music… I heard the sound of guitar! It played the same as he used to.

This time I dint walk to the window, I just rushed out of the house and headed to the garden without thinking of anything else.

He was sited on the bench playing the music, as soon as he saw me, he stood up, I don’t know if in shock or surprise.

I ran to him without thinking of anything else but just with the happiness that he was finally here, I was finally seeing him in front of me.

I jumped on him hugging him so tight out of happiness, he hesitated for a while but then hugged me back and that was the most happiest moment of my life, because I realized whatever I felt for him wasn’t one sided.

I broke the hug awkwardly for a while and looked at him, he couldn’t stop smiling, he was so happy, so was I…

“Give me your phone” I said

He stared at me in confusion but then handed me his phone silently, I saved my number in it.

“This is my number, next time you plan to disappeared, let me know”

He just smiled at me then turned to look everywhere else apart from me.

“I’m Khushi” I said

He stared at me for a while again then started typing something on his phone, my phone beeped as I pulled it out of my pocket.

“I’m Arnav” It read

“Why are you texting me when I’m in front of you? I mean you could have just said you are Arnav”

He turned to his phone typed something again, my phone beeped and I checked the text, what I read there, left me shocked.

“I can’t speak”

Tumko bhi hai khabar… mujhko bhi hai pata… ho raha, hai judaa… dono ka raasta…

Door jaake bhi mujhse, tum meri yaadon me rehna…

Kabhi alvida na kehna… kabhi alvida na kehna…

I took a step backwards, I don’t know why but I was hurt… he wasn’t my perfect man. I am sure he saw the confusion in my eyes so he dint react, he just stepped back to the bench carried his guitar and walked away without smiling at me.

I don’t know why I dint stop him, I wanted to but he wasn’t perfect, he couldn’t speak.. he wasn’t the one for me.

Jitni thi khushiyan… sab khochuki hai… bas ek ghum hai ke jaata nahi…

Samjha ke dekha… behla ke dekha… dil hai ke chain isko aata nahi…

Aansu hai ke angaare… aag he ab aankhon se behna…

Kabhi alvida na kehna… kabhi avida na kehna…

I rushed back inside the house and jumped on the bed as I broke down into tears…

All my friends had the perfect boyfriends, why was I the only one who liked imperfect guys?

I hugged my pillow and cried as much as I could but then later on decided I wasn’t going to cry anymore, I would get over him like I got over my past boyfriends.

It’s been a year now, and here I am…

Standing at the window of my bedroom staring at the bench yet waiting for him to come.

What I thought couldn’t happen, I wasn’t able to move on in three months because right now I’m still waiting and hoping he would come back, because I realized when love happens truly, you can’t just get over it.

I know I made a mistake by judging him because he could speak, I know I lost him because of my own wishes for perfections but in this one years I realized, imperfection was everything and right now I don’t damn care if he can’t speak, I’ll be his voice, all I need is him to come back.

I do have his phone number but I am so scared to text him, what if he misunderstands me?

Rut aarahi hai… rut jaa rahi hai… dard ka mausam badla nahi…

Rang yeh ghum ka itna hai ghehra… sadiyon me hoga halka nahi…

Kaun jaane kya hona hai… humko hai ab kya kya sehna…

I hear the doorbell ring and I wipe my tears away as I walk to open the door.

I don’t know how much to thank God this very moment, I can’t believe he is standing right in front of me…

I hope I am not dreaming, please let this be real! I keep on praying.

He smiles a little as he waves at me, I smile back and welcome him inside but he nods negatively.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and types something, I know he’s texting me so I quickly pull out my phone from my pocket and soon as it beeps I check the message.

“I’m sorry Khushi, it was my mistake, I shouldn’t have given you fake hope… I should have let you know earlier that I can’t speak, I’m really sorry for that.

I tried a lot to stay away from you and that’s why I stopped coming here but I couldn’t, I know this isn’t how it should be said but I can’t even speak so I’ll just type this so that you know, Khushi I love you, really a lot…

I don’t know how it happened, maybe the first time I saw you, I just lost myself…we dint even know each other’s name until that day I left but I just couldn’t live without you…

I know you have your choices and I wouldn’t really want you to spend your life with me, but I couldn’t stop myself from seeing you for the last time before I leave.”

I look at him with lots of questions in my eyes, last time? He’s going away from me forever? Why?

“Where are you going?” I ask

He signs something but I am too weak at sign language I don’t understand anything so he texts me.

“Somewhere, where I’ll not remember you” he says as he smiles and turns to walk away.

He had walked away once before and at that time I couldn’t stop him but today when I know I love him so much, how can I just let him walk away.

I get hold of his hand and pull him back as he looks at me in surprise… I nod negatively and tears start rolling down my eyes.

Kabhi alvida na kehna… kabhi alvida na kehna…

“Arnav how can you leave me here and just go away… you said it so simply that you love me but what about me? Don’t I love you?

I know I was stupid, I thought perfections existed but I myself I’m not perfect, I really don’t care if you can’t speak, but I can’t let you go now, not when I know I love you so damn much.

Arnav I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, I was just foolish but please don’t leave me now… I really love you and life without you would be impossible.

This one year was like hell, every time I kept on thinking about you and missing you and crying for you, now that you are here with me I don’t want to let you go…

Please don’t leave me, I’m really very sorry”

He puts his finger on my mouth and shuts me up, tears keep rolling down my eyes and he wiped the off with his thumb then pulls me into a tight hug…

This was the moment, another happiest moment of my life when I was finally with him because I finally realized, perfection dint exist but love surely did, and where love was, perfection wasn’t needed.

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